You don’t have to go back to school to make new friends. Ninth grade was a lonely year for me. We had recently moved from a bustling suburban city to a small town. And if attending a new school and making all new friends isn’t bad enough, I didn’t . . . go to school, that is.
As a home school student in a new town, the high point of my social life became playing card games with my 12-year-old brother. I remember stepping outside of my house one day and crying frustrated tears as I realized I didn’t have a single friend.
Thankfully, that was the low point. With some prayer and a little effort, I began to develop a supportive circle of friends. If you’re in need of friends this fall, remember these five tips.
1. Get Out There
Shortly after we moved, my dad encouraged me to try out for a community play. He even offered to join me. As characters in “Fiddler on the Roof,” we met people of all ages from the community. I became friends with a girl my age named Noelle. We didn’t become BFF or anything, but we shared a pleasant friendship over our mutual interest in theater.
Another time my brother and I received an invitation from another youth group in town to attend a sock hop. We decided to go even though we didn’t know anyone else going. Clad in bobby socks and a poodle skirt, I ended up meeting Christy, one of my closest high school friends.
2. Take the Initiative
As a home schooler, you may have less concentrated time with your peers, which can make forming friendships a challenge. Don’t be afraid to seek friends. If you meet someone you feel a connection with, set up an activity to get to know each other better. My parents always allowed me to invite friends over for lunch after church. Every outing may not end in a kindred spirit, but you’ll be getting to know lots of different people and honing social skills.
When I met Noelle during “Fiddler on the Roof,” I wanted to be her friend but felt really shy about introducing myself. One day, we were waiting for our scene, and I just sat in the seat next to her and started asking her questions about her drama experiences. After that, it was easy to talk to her.
3. Be Open to the Unexpected Friend
One of the first girls I met at my new church was Monique. She was one year younger than I, but we shared the same interests, musical tastes and sense of humor. At first I didn’t even consider her older sister, Jaime, as a potential friend. Jaime and I were the same age, but she didn’t seem my type.
At some point, my mom encouraged me to invite Jaime over. The first time she spent the night, we stayed up until 3 a.m. talking. I discovered that Jaime and I shared the same desire to walk more closely with God. Throughout high school, Jaime was my biggest spiritual encouragement, and we remain close friends today.
4. Create a Network
As I began attending various home school events in my community, I would meet other Christian teens. They seemed cool, but it was hard to establish anything consistent, since we didn’t attend the same church.
My junior year, I started publishing a monthly newsletter that I mailed out to 30 home schooled teenagers. This gave me a forum to announce upcoming events and even create some of my own, such as monthly game nights and Christmas caroling outings. Teens began sending in their artwork, stories and poetry for the newsletter, forging a cool home school community.
At church I often volunteered to help organize youth group events. This gave me the opportunity to connect with kids at my church. The majority of my high school friends attended my youth group.
5. Be a Friend to the Friendless
When seeking friends, it’s tempting to desire those who make us look good or contribute equally to the relationship. But part of being a Christian is being a friend to people who may appear to have little to offer. So when you’re on the hunt for friends, don’t overlook the lonely.
Katy wore the same oversized jacket to church every week, and her hair always looked unwashed. She didn’t care what others thought of her, and the other teens stayed away. At some point, I decided I wanted Katy as a friend. I found that she was deeply committed to Jesus, superintelligent and had a quirky sense of humor. I’m thankful an oversized jacket didn’t keep me from discovering a valuable friendship.
Sometimes finding even one good friend may seem like an impossible task. It did when I stood outside my house crying on that fall day. But when I began looking for ways to invest in others and please my best friend, Jesus, I started seeing all the possibilities. The old adage is true: You have to be a friend to make a friend. So keep your eyes open for those who are looking for a friend like you.
